23 November 2015


Philadelphia Eagles 17, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 45, Sunday, November 22, 2015

Other D words: Disaster. Disgusting. Demolished. Demoralizing. Dreadful.

Stud of week: Um....I seriously can't come up with anyone. Josh Huff had a TD and then vanished.
Darren Sproles had a TD, and then ended up in a screaming match with Mark Sanchez on the sideline. Caleb Sturgis, for making a totally pointless 43 yard field goal (what was Chip thinking?)? Donnie Jones, who at least punted well this week? Oh! I know! Walter Thurmond, who had a forced fumble and a sack. And was apparently the only member of the defense who hadn't accidentally taken an Ambien right before the game started. ("What? They told me it was a Tic-Tac!")

Look, everyone expects Mark Sanchez to do some good things, and some very, very bad things. Like throwing three picks. Comes with the territory. But I was expecting the Birds to ride their strong D to a good game - and a win.

So tell me: how did what was a well-ranked run defense allow the most ground yards since 1973?How did they only record ONE sack on a rookie QB? Why did Billy Davis not call for some blitzes? ANY BLITZES? How did they manage to make DOUG MARTIN look like freaking Emmit Smith? And Jameis Winston look like Tom Brady? THE BUCS STARTED THE SECOND HALF WITH A NEARLY TEN MINUTE DRIVE THAT RESULTED IN YET ANOTHER TD. (Yes, I know I'm shouting. You should've heard me yesterday.)

The only good thing was that yesterday was our monthly football party, so I had a large crowd of friends around me to distract and console me, and quite a few kids here to keep me from bursting a blood vessel screaming imprecations at the TV.

At this point, this team gives hot messes a bad name. You do realize that they're about to lose to the 3-7 Lions on Thanksgiving, right? Gee, that win over Dallas sure was fun. Apparently, I should've recorded that game so I could just re-watch it for the next six weeks.

And ahead? The Patriots (where the Dec. 6 game is no longer the national game and I'm thinking seriously about not watching because I don't know if my eyeballs can stand THE HORROR). The Bills (and don't think LeSean McCoy doesn't want to embarrass Chip Kelly). The Cardinals. Oh my God, SEND BOURBON. STAT.

Wait let's think: we could eat the Thanksgiving meal mid-day and skip the Lions (or just drink heavily through it). The Pats, I may just skip. Because there's no way that ends well. The Bills, I'll be at my winter dance performance. The Cardinals, I'll be in New Orleans. The DC team, well, that's Boxing Day and Rebirth is playing here in DC, which is starting to look REALLY appealing. And I'll be in Aruba on January 3 for the Giants game.  I may be able to miss most of the rest of the 2015 season! Go me!

Wow, that's Depressing.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

One of the counselors at my son's school took her son (9-year-old) to the game in Philly. Sometime during the second quarter he threw the Eagles blanket he took over his head and declared "This team stinks!"