05 January 2010

Let the Beheadings Begin

Black Monday, aka The Annual Firing of the Coaches

It's like the Running of the Bulls, only with more blood shed.

Jim Zorn was the first casualty, getting fired pretty much in the middle of the night. Hell, he's probably lucky lil' Danny Snyder let him fly home from California with the team. And Mike Shanahan's in. Yeah, that's going to go well. Maybe he and Bruce Allen can stand up to the Boyking. But I doubt it. On the upside, Shanny, think about how good your head will feel one you stop ramming it into that brick wall in a few years.

The Bills fired everyone. Including the guy who drives the team bus.

There's a fair amount of speculation that Eric Mangini will be out once Mike Holmgren actually arrives in Cleveland. I think that's premature. He didn't have much to work with, and look at how successful the Redskins have been jerking a young, potentially talented QB around under a zillion head coaches and offensive systems. The Browns are going to waste Brady Quinn's talent the way the Redskins have wasted Jason Campbell's if they're not careful.

Tom Cable should be out. Aside from the fact that he's a violent asshole...well, that's pretty much all you need. He's a violent asshole who needs therapy. And maybe jail. Not necessarily in that order.

I would think that Jeff Fisher and Lovie Smith would be in trouble, were it not for the fact that they seem to be beloved. You know Andy Reid is envious. "Can't a pudgy brother get a little love over here?" No, Big Red. Sorry. You're coaching in Philly.

I think the rookie head coaches who were brought in to bad teams and had rough seasons as a result - Raheem Morris, Steve Spagnuolo, Todd Haley, Jim Schwartz - are safe. At least for now.

Jack Del Rio seems to be safe, too, although the Jags have consistently underperformed, and he probably shouldn't be. If it were up to me, I might ditch Tom Coughlin. The Giants did have some injuries to deal with, but the players seem to dislike him heartily, and can you blame them? Wade Phillips and Norv Turner could be in trouble if their teams fare badly in the playoffs. (Please God, let us be the ones who ensure the Cowboys fare badly!)

Who wants back in?

There's continuing speculation about Jon Gruden, Marty Schottenheimer, Brian Billick, and Bill Cowher. Gruden swears on a stack of Lombardi Trophies that he's happy commentating for ESPN. Why wouldn't he be? He's sharing a press box with Jaws.

The Schott claims to be too old. Maybe. He also got treated really poorly by the Chargers, and that still has to smart.

I think Cowher's the most likely to come back. He's been rumored to be shopping for assistants, and if John Fox gets it (and even with that late season winning streak he might), Cowher doesn't even have to move.


~PakKaramu~ said...

Happy new year to you

Unknown said...

This might sound over-the-top, but if I were Pat Bowlen, I'd give Josh McDaniels a thorough tongue lashing and even consider firing him. Not only did the team tank, but he's alienated their top receiver (who, granted, is a bit of an egghead) and their tight end.

Evidently, I'm not the only one who feels this way:


Netherman said...

Jack, you aren't the only one. I think Baby-Hoodie should be fired too. It is probably my disdain for ego-filled people, but his smugness irritates me and appears to irritate his players too. Other thing I found weird was seeing him walk through a bunch of plays on a TV show here in Denver. He was talking about play names and everything...could have been disseminating misinformation but still seemed very odd to broadcast anything that may be remotely useful...especially since I am used to Andy Reid's "saying a lot while saying nothing at all" press conferences.

My first time reading your blog. Anyone that combines food, intelligent football talk, and a healthy dose of sarcasm into one blog gets two enthusiastic thumbs up. I will be back for more. Cheers!

Anonymous said...

@Jack - can't believe I forgot about mini-Belichick. Must be a result of my loathing for Coach Evil. But yeah, Pat Bowlen might decide that he'd rather *keep* Brandon Marshall and dump his smarmy coach.

@Chris - Here is everything you will ever hear in an Andy Reid press conference. "Yes." "No." "I don't know." and, when we lose, "It's my fault for not getting the team ready to play." And welcome!

Unknown said...

Thanks for the compliment Chris!

E, no doubt you've heard by now about the Shanahan hiring by Chainsaw Dan. I'm anxious to see how that works out. Unfortunately for him, John Elway has no plans to come back in burgundy and gold.

Anonymous said...

@Jack - sure did. Poor guy. Denver kicked him to the curb, and now this. Was he really, really bad in a former life?