14 December 2009

2009 Week 14 Recap

Eagles at Giants, Sunday, December 13, 2009

In attendance: Shoegal, Ex-Navy Cheesehead, Prototypical Eagles Fan, Chef Spouse - the regular crowd

Menu: grilled cheese, cream of tomato soup and VICTORY (and cheesecake)

Stud of the Week: I'm going with two this week. I can't ignore Peanut, who has now tied the record for 50 yard plus TDs in one season (8) with Devin Hester and Crazy Legs Hirsch. And there are 3 more games to go. But I also can't ignore the Axeman, who racked up 8 tackles and 1 assist, despite currently being held together with duct tape and bubble gum (seriously - I expect an arm to pop off on the field at some point).

So here's how the game went: run-run-run-score (Giants). LOOOOOOOONG pass-score (Eagles). Run-run-run-score (Giants). LOOOOOOONG pass-score (Eagles). Not exactly a defensive grind it out win. Did both teams' defenses accidentally go to the Linc? If I had a quarter for every time I yelled, "TACKLE him, DONKEY!" I...well, I wouldn't be able to retire, but I'd certainly be able to get a nice pair of shoes. We couldn't stop Brandon Jacobs to save our lives.

On the other hand, they couldn't stop DeSean. I think opposing defenses are going to have to start sending their safeties back to the end zone. "I know they're at their own 3. Back up. No farther. No, FARTHER. Look, just head for the parking lot until I yell STOP!"

I think I had about 37 heart attacks in the third quarter alone. You know that scene in the extras for "The Incredibles," with Kari the babysitter, where Jack-Jack's powers have come out and he keeps bursting into flame and she keeps putting him out? That was Chef Spouse with the defibrillator.

There was some bad officiating, of course - Trent Cole was being held ALL DAMN DAY, Brent Celek got totally mugged in the end zone and...nothing, Quintin drew some "say what?" penalties, the zebras took 3 sure points away at the end of the half, and what the hell was that whole "forward fumble" call on McNabb? When a QB "forward fumbles," you know what that is? An INCOMPLETE PASS, DUMBASS!

And the Giants did get the lead. For all of 19 seconds. Yeah, I loved that play. "OK, here's the play. Peanut, you run that way REALLY fast. You other 9 guys stay in and block." "Isn't DeSean going to get, like, quadruple covered?" "Nah - unless they're hiding Usain Bolt over there, nobody's that fast." "Break!" Although there is a downside - no rest for the weary (defenders).

Of course, when it mattered, we put together a 91-yard 8 minute drive where we never even hit 3rd down. And when it mattered, McNabb and Avant came up with a 2 point conversion to tighten the screws. And when it mattered, up 7 points with the Giants taking over with 1:31 left, our defense protected the lead. Which they've done for the past four weeks.

And I saved the best for last:

Around the rest of the NFL...

I don't mean to scare you. Um, you better sit down. And brace yourself. Are you ready? Are you sure? Really, really sure? OK, don't say I didn't warn you...

Browns over Steelers. First time in 6 years. Groceries (and he really was - he was sacked 8 times on Thursday night) has NEVER lost to the Browns. Can someone please explain to me what's going on in Pittsburgh? It's like they've all forgotten how to play football. Y'all need to burn some sage or something.

Saints over Falcons. Barely. And with the Falcons without Matt Ryan and Michael Turner again. And you never know with divisional games. But the Saints are still winning. I do feel more confident of our ability to keep up with them in the scoring department if it comes to it in the playoffs, though. And I think it might. Also, how much money does Drew Brees make? Could someone please take him to a decent barber? I know they have them in New Orleans - Chef Spouse got a great haircut there over Thanksgiving. What about Aidan Gill on Magazine? Little help?

Ravens over Lions. You know the Lions had to be thinking, "Can we just go home now, please?" at the end of the half. Actually, they're probably thinking, "Do we REALLY have to play the final 3 games?"

Packers over Bears. Is Jay Cutler a complete disappointment or what? Most picks for a Bears QB in 60 years. And locker room dissention, big time. Oh yeah, that big contract was a good investment.

Texans over Seahawks. Go Texans! Team of Destiny! Still in it!

Colt over Broncos. Oh silly me. Will I never learn? That's it - I'm picking the Colts next week, even if they're playing God.

Dolphins over Jags. Speaking of still in it, the Dolphins could still win the division, particularly with 2 of the Pats remaining 3 games on the road. Go Fins!

Bills over Chiefs. Whatever.

Vikings over Bengals. I have a theory. OchoCinco didn't do any kind of crazy TD celebration, and the Bengals lost. Coincidence? I think not. Bring on the clown cars and confetti!

Pats over Panthers. Well, sure - they were playing in Foxborough.

Jets over Bucs. Speaking of teams that are still in it, the Jets are also still in the running for AFC East. But they have a tough remaining schedule and a crazy man for a coach, so that's not helping them.

Titans over Rams. Like *anyone* is surprised by this. I'm pretty sure I could do better than 5 picks and 1 TD. Apparently, there are NO QBs in St. Louis. I talking even high school QBs. Also, is Chris Johnson a beast, or is it just me?

Redskins over Raiders. Told you. Bet they beat the Cowboys in two weeks, too. Poor Jason Campbell. Cerrato and Snyder have definitely dicked him around, and he does not deserve it. Also, now that they're down to third string nobodies, notice how they're playing better? Like a...TEAM?

Chargers over Cowboys. Ah, December. Most wonderful time of the year. I'm not positive, but I think Tony Romo may have been crying at the end. On the NFL Network's Sunday morning show, the guys were talking about the 3 most under-rated QBs (leaving aside Rocks, Peyton, and Drew Brees). You know which two were on everyone's list? D-Mac (of course) and Phillip Rivers. Berman could still be right - we could see a Chargers/Eagles Super Bowl this year. You know what else they observed? That the final game of the season is in January, which should help the Cowboys. Only they won their last playoff (aka "January") game in 1996. So I don't think that really helps them all that much.

Right now, the 49ers are up 7-0 over the Cardinals, who are not looking brilliant so far. Ouch. Second turnover. Two comments: "Alex Smith is the QB of the future." Right now in San Francisco that seems to translate to, "He'll play the second half." Also, I really wish someone would make Chuckie take a Valium before the broadcast starts. I love me some football, too, but CALM DOWN.


Jack said...

I think the earth shook when AR did that jump and bump w Jackson. Funny as heck though.

Anonymous said...

So *that's* why that vase fell off my mantle...