22 October 2009

2009 Week 7 Picks

Man, did we stink it up last week. Yes, I'm still on that. Does that mean that we aren't who we thought we were? Nah - just usual Eagles mid-season weirdness. They want to keep it interesting for the fans. If you recall, our Phillies had a mid-season slump too, and look how that's turning out!

Meanwhile, the Redskins have stripped head coach Jim Zorn of his playcalling duties. Zorn, as you may recall, was originally brought in to be the offensive coordinator, aka The Guy Calling The Plays. Sherm Lewis will be calling the plays now. He's had an illustrious career, but he's also been calling nothing more important than bingo games recently, and he's been in DC with the Redskins for approximately two weeks. I'd be amazed if he even knows all the players' names yet. "You! Tall skinny African-American receiver! Run a go route!"

What's really going on? I'm guessing that Snyder and Cerrato are trying to force Zorn to quit so they don't have to buy out his contract when they fire him. Because it's inevitable. As a matter of fact, I'm guessing it goes down Tuesday morning, October 27, after we humiliate the Redskins on national TV. You heard it here first.

In the rest of the matchups:

Packers/Browns - Packers. (Yes, no comment. No comment needed.)

49ers/Texans - You *know* I'm calling my Team of Destiny, the Texans!

Chargers/Chiefs - Dear Chiefs: hope you enjoyed that big one game winning streak, because it ends this weekend. Chargers.

Colts/Rams - Oh my God. Really? I know I joke about this a lot, but I'm totally serious now - the Rams should just forfeit. Even though it means they won't get paid. Trust me, no amount of money is worth what they're going to go through Sunday. None. Besides, they'll be able to to apply to FEMA for disaster relief funds. Do I even need to say "Colts"?

Pats/Buccaneers - Sigh. What is up with the games in London? This is such a dumb gimmick. And jet lag is no joke, both going and coming. Do I really have to talk about the game? The poor Bucs - they're not going to get their first win this week, either. Bucs Chick, you're definitely winning the suck fest. Patriots.

Vikings/Steelers - I'm picking against the Vikings. Again. Since I want them - or more precisely, Brett Favre - to lose, I should probably start picking for them. Yeah, not gonna happen. Steelers. (who have Troy Polamalu back, by the way)

Bills/Panthers - Both teams are bad. Both teams are *not* going to the playoffs this year. Yes, it's only week 7 but I already know. So do you. Bills. But does it really even matter?

Jets/Raiders - Raiders, if you do to Mark Sanchez what you did to DMac last week, you won't even need to score to win. Call it a Raiders win, score 2-0.

Bears/Bengals - This is an interesting matchup. Are the Bengals for real? Well, you know what happened last week. Are the Bears for real? Two words for you: Jay Cutler. Coin flip says Bengals.

Falcons/Cowboys - Falcons. You know it, baby! Cowboys continue to disappoint. YAY!

Saints/Dolphins - The Saints will see something they haven't faced so far this season - efficient wildcat. It's a different look for them. But the result will be the same - Saints win.

Cardinals/Giants - Cards, do you think you can manage to beat the Giants for us? Please? Pretty please? There are homemade cookies in it for you if you do. Not buying it? Me, either. Giants.

On Bye: Ravens, Broncos, Jags, Lions, Seahawks, Titans


Unknown said...

According to ESPN radio, Zorn got the Vote of Confidence from Vinny Boy this morning. Which means he's doomed.

Meanwhile, The Across The Pond Bowl could threaten the Anglo-American alliance, it's that bad a matchup.

Anonymous said...

Oh, the Zornmeister is definitely doomed.

At least after seeing the Pats/Bucs game, we won't have to worry about the Brits having second thoughts about that whole American Revolution/Colonies thing.