26 March 2009

Just when I thought I had it all figured out...

No posts for awhile, I know, but it's not my fault. The Eagles' Front Office has spent the free agency period of the off-season doing exactly what they usually do: reading that stack of New Yorkers that's been sitting by the Barcolounger and catching up on all the episodes of South Park they taped during the regular season. In other words, doing nothing other than picking up Leonard Weaver on a one-year contract and letting Wolverine leave town.

However, Shoegal issued a plaintive email to me today, requesting that I comment on the NFL rule changes for the 2009 season. So here we go:

Loose balls that could have been the result of a fumble or an incomplete pass are now subject to video review, aka the Hochuli rule: well duh. Raise your hand if you didn't see that coming.

Video replay can be used to determine if a loose ball stayed in bounds or hit the sideline. Hey, it was WAY cheaper than springing for LASIK for all the zebras.

No more rekicks after an illegal onside kick. It immediately becomes the other team's ball. Not that most teams try an onsides rekick anyway, since now the other team is EXPECTING it. But whatever.

The draft order has been reworked to reflect playoff results, not regular-season results. Unfortunately, it's one year too late to stick the Cardinals with the #31 pick. Damn.

Forming a "wedge" on a kickoff return is no longer legal. Fortunately, this will not in any way affect the Eagles, who have never been accused of forming a successful wedge.

On onside kicks, the kicking team can't have more than five players bunched together. What is with the onside kick rules this year? Have they run out of other things to legislate?

A blindside block cannot be delivered with a helmet, shoulder or forearm to an opponent's head or neck. Apparently now you have to throw your shoes at the guy.

Contact to the head of a defenseless receiver is also illegal. How exactly do you define "defenseless"? Does that mean no one is allowed to hit any of the Lions' receivers EVER?

A defensive player on the ground may no longer lunge or dive at the quarterback's lower legs. Aka, the Brady rule. Actually, if the QB's last name is Brady, Manning, or Romo, you're not allowed to hit him at all. You're not even allowed to hit ON him. So ladies, if you had dreams of being Tom's next baby mama or of stealing Tony away from J. Simp, you can just forget it. QB's last name is McNabb? You can use clubs to take him down, but only under 18 inches, because otherwise you risk hurting other players.

2009 draft kicks off in less than a month, y'all!

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Best rules-change summary I've read. Your entries are always fun, but this may be your best work of the season. Or off-season. In any case, well done.