18 October 2007

2007 Week 7 Picks

On to the Bears. The Bears, in case you haven’t been paying attention, are terrible. Of course, on occasion, so are we. But still, if we can’t put some points up on their decimated defense and shut down Brian Griese, we should just phone in the rest of the season to improve our draft standing. For realz. I really hope we get to see West36 level Brian Urlacher, ‘cause that would be AWESOME. Also, Lito will be back, so pick a few off for me, cutie! Finally, remember what I said about Devin Hester: do NOT kick to him under ANY circumstances. I think you should seriously consider my "locking him Dawk’s trunk" idea too. Maybe put one of the assistant coaches on it.

Bucs/Lions: Sorry Jeff, I learned my lesson. Not picking against you again. Particularly since you don’t have to play the Patriots this season. Bucs.

Titans/Texans: Will he or won’t he? "Vince Young” and "play,” that is. No one knows at this point. If he doesn’t, Texans. Even if he does, he’s not going to be anything close to 100%. So maybe Texans anyway. Since the Titans don’t have a whole lot else going on on offense. They’re good at shutting down the run, but it’s not like that’s the Texans’ strong suit. What the hell. Texans.

Patriots/Dolphins: The Dolphins are still without Trent Green. Of course, this week, they could have Dan Marino back and it wouldn’t matter. Stupid Patriots.

49ers/Giants: I’d like to see the 49ers take this one, but the Giants seem to be on a roll. Of course, they were on a roll through week 8 last year, too, and then imploded, so I’m definitely hoping for a repeat. But it’s not due to start for two weeks. Giants.

Falcons/Saints: Byron Leftwich can’t save you! Unless of course the Saints forgot how to play football again in the last 6 days. But that’s pretty unlikely, right? Right? Saints (crosses fingers).

Cardinals/Skins: Skins will pull it together. Also, I’m not sure the Cardinals even have a QB at this point. Oh wait! They have Tim Rattay. Yeah, like I was saying. Skins.

Ravens/Bills: Disappointing last minute loss to the Cowboys. Bye week to stew. Return to the gridiron to get beat down by the Ravens. Start thinking fondly of moving to your beach house and selling kites for a living. Ravens.

Jets/Bengals: The Jets are a shell of their former selves. The Bengals are a shell of last year’s, um, Raiders. Yeowch! Jets pick up a win.

Chiefs/Raiders: You know how the Raiders were leading the AFC West for like a minute there? Boy, that was fun while it lasted. Their divisional losing streak will go to 0-17 this week. Chiefs. Also possibly Worst Game of the Week.

Rams/Seahawks: How bad do the Rams stink? I can smell them from here. And they’re on their way to Seattle. Shaun Alexander may not be the man he once was, but it ain’t gonna matter this week. Seahawks. This is my other contender for Worst Game of the Week.

Vikings/Cowboys: I really hope Adrian Peterson has another big week, because the Vikes are really going to need the help. Big time. And it’s probably still not going to be enough. Maybe the Cowboys will eat some bad shrimp the night before the game and all get food poisoning? Too much to hope? Yeah, the Cowboys are going to win this one. Damn.

Steelers/Broncos: Steelers. No question. Mike Tomlin’s looking to have a good rookie head coaching year, ‘cause the Steelers are pretty tough this year.

Colts/Jags: Colts. Sigh. If the Colts and Patriots weren’t playing each other later this season, we might see two undefeated AFC teams this year. If that ever does happen, I really think it’s only fair that we have an all-AFC Super Bowl. Basically, the NFC teams would all be disqualified for their insurmountable suckitude.

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