10 December 2007

2007 Week 14 Recap

Eagles v. Giants, Sunday, December 9, 2007

In attendance: Ex-Navy Cheesehead, Shoegal, Chef Spouse

Menu: yummy homemade chili, Chef Spouse’s rockin’ guac, margaritas, cranberry-studded goat cheese, crudités

For the first 3 minutes and 15 second of the game, it looked like we were going to get a little Christmas miracle in the form of a return to competence. We looked like The Class of the NFC East once again. Alas, it was momentary. And the thing is, I knew they were going to lose. I knew it. It’s just been that kind of year. But that doesn’t make it any easier to take.

Gotta love philly.com today: "Birds wanted a flag on fourth-down pass." Um, yeah, that would be because Antonio Pierce totally cheated and was ALL OVER Jason Avant. Like Sam Madison did moments before, holding West36 down. Like the Giants O-line was doing, once again, all game long, holding the hell out of our guys to keep them off lil’ Eli. Sour grapes? Damn straight.

A few bright spots in the game: West36 just passed Randall Scramble on our all-time rushing list to take the number 4 spot. West 36 is having an amazing year, and we’ve got him sewn up for at least a few more. Takeo Spikes sacked lil’ Eli, and then sacked Trent Cole just for fun. Duce Staley retired as an Eagle at halftime, despite getting his ring in Blitzburgh.

I don’t even want to talk about Akers missing that kick. He doesn’t either. This season, all of our losses but 3 games (first Giants, first Skins, and Cowboys) have been by 4 points or fewer. To me, that speaks not of a failure of SKILL, but a failure of WILL. We lack the focus – perhaps our coaches lack the focus – to be able to pull out the close ones. And so we lose games we should win. At least I can trust ge99 to keep me from jumping off the roof (actually, my house isn’t that tall – I’d probably just break a leg or something equally irritating).

As this dismal season whimpers to a close, at least I can take comfort in the fact that I’ll be able to relax and enjoy the playoffs, cooking big, yummy, complicated meals for my friends, since I’ll have nothing at stake. Other than fervently wishing for someone to knock off the Pats and the Cowboys so I can actually watch the Super Bowl without barfing.

Around the rest of the NFL…

Skins over Bears – I’m glad the Skins managed to pull this one out. It’s been a tough few weeks for the Redskins, and now that we’re all but mathematically eliminated from the post-season, it doesn’t bother me that the Skins are still in it. It’s not like they’re taking our spot or anything.

Bills over Dolphins – the Dolphins haven’t quite locked it up yet. Locked what up? Why, the #1 draft position of course! The Falcons, 49ers, and Rams are still in contention, with 3 wins each. Of course, in order to get to 3 wins, the Dolphins will have to beat the Patriots, so actually, yes, they appear to have a lock on the top draft pick. They could really use a QB, but I doubt Tim Tebow will be coming out just yet – he’s only a sophomore. He’d be virtually guaranteed to start, which would actually be terrifying. Imagine facing Troy Polamalu and Tedy Bruschi at 20 years old.

Texans over Bucs – OK, Bucs, you’re leading NFC South, and it is a weak division, but don’t get all complacent on me. Or wait – DO get all complacent on me so the Saints can win the South again. Yeah, that ain’t gonna happen, but humor me. Just so long as it’s not the Panthers or the Falcons. Which it won’t be.

Packers over Raiders – I’m not even sure you need a QB to play the Raiders. Shouldn’t they get to handicap the other teams? Like they have to play without helmets, or a defensive coordinator, or access to the locker rooms or something. At least the games might be a little closer.

Bengals over Rams – Somebody get Chad Johnson a decent team. Please. ‘Cause he’s funny and I like him and he doesn’t deserve this shiz-nit.

Seahawks over Cardinals – Have I griped lately about how bad NFC West is? Yeah, you’re 9-4. Big whoop. No other team in your division even has a winning record. No wonder you keep getting punked in the playoffs.

Cowboys over Lions – DUDE! You guys were so close! And it’s not like the Cowboys didn’t give you plenty of chances to take the game – fumbles and dropped passes and mis-cues, oh my! Probably shouldn’t have guaranteed 10 wins this year.

Chargers over Titans – What is happening to Vince Young? I blame Jeff Fisher. He seems to want Brett Favre and doesn’t realize that he has Michael Vick (without the whole dog fighting/the Chronic/jail mess, of course). It’s good news for the Chargers, though, who will probably take AFC West almost by default after a truly dreadful start to the season. Seems like it was just a few weeks ago LT was regularly bemoaning how terrible they were.

Vikings over 49ers – Yeah, that happened around the same time I called the Vikings season dead. Oops! Now, mostly I’m thinking they’re going to the playoffs.

Jags over Panthers – Speaking of going to the playoffs, the Jags are primed to take an AFC wildcard spot. For all the good it will do them. Could somebody please, please, PLEASE beat the frappin’ Patriots?

Pats over Steelers – Because now that they blew past the Steelers, they aren’t going down in the regular season. Speaking of the inherent dangers of guarantees. The thing that really annoys me about this situation is the sports bloviators are all, "Don’t say anything mean to the Patriots! That just sets them off!” What planet are you living on? Football is ALL ABOUT the trash talking. Whatevs. Steelers, you’ll get another shot during the playoffs. Don’t blow it. Tape Tony Smith’s mouth shut or something. Or make him spend a weekend with Freddie Mitchell.

Browns over Jets – The MOST PATHETIC thing about this game? The Jets nearly pulled off the upset win. In a mostly empty stadium. Did you see? It was ridiculous. They didn’t even have enough guys there to spell out J-E-T-S on their chests. The J and S guys blew it off for an exciting afternoon of VH1 Celeb-Reality TV. Because who DOESN’T have love for New York’s ghetto-fabulous self? Also, the Browns might go to the post-season for the first time in…ever?

Broncos over Chiefs – Like it matters. Neither of these teams is going anywhere this year. How long does Jay Cutler get to "develop”? How long does Mike Shanahan get to "coast”? Oh wait - Norv Turner can answer that one.

Colts over Ravens – Yeah, we quit watching this game after the first quarter. It was just too awful. Also, were there any Ravens players who didn’t go down? Because I lost count at about 27, 28 downed players. The Ravens sideline was like that scene in Gone With the Wind when Sherman is marching on Atlanta (and why would anyone think that burning Atlanta to the ground would be a BAD thing?) and Scarlet goes to the train yard to look for a doctor because Melanie’s gone into labor, and there are just writhing bodies as far as the eye can see. It was bad.

And at the end of the half, the Saints are up over the Falcons. Who the hell is Chris Redman anyway? I know I joked about this earlier this season, but, dude, we are seriously COMPLETELY OUT of quarterbacks. The cupboard is BARE, man. Somebody call up arena football and see if we can get a loaner or ten.

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