15 October 2007

2007 Week 6 Recap

Eagles at Jets, Sunday, October 14, 2007

In attendance: Just Shoegal and Chef Spouse.

Menu: Shoegal supplied snacks and blueberry martinis, and we ordered Chinese. Chef Spouse whipped the kitchen back into some sort of shape, but ran out of steam for actually cooking anything. He promises a return to normalcy next week. Missing the ceiling and a wall. It’s the industrial look.

It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t sexy, but it was a win.

The good? West36 ripped some sweet runs, including finishing many of them off by demolishing any and all Jets standing in his way. "Take THAT, you blue-clad punk!” Reggie Bush is still trying to learn this – don’t juke, man, just make anyone in front of you pay. Kevin Curtis shucked Jets left and right on that 70+ yard TD run. Our D kept the Jets out of the endzone the entire game. Sheldon Brown came up with a key pick and a key deflected pass. West36 ran smart and stayed in bounds to help us run out the clock in the 4th quarter. Is he the key to our offense? Maybe. Our O line managed to keep the Jets not-exactly-dominant pass rush off our QB. Welcome back Tra! We had some long drives that helped us maintain our narrow lead and keep our D fresh to the end of the game, which turned out to be critical.

The bad? Other than that Curtis run, we couldn’t get into the end zone. We could not stop Thomas Jones in the first quarter. We adjusted, but things were looking a little scary for about 15 minutes there. We could only score one pick off Chad Pennington’s weak arm. Man, are we missing Lito.

The ugly? D-Mac’s pick. Akers’ two missed field goals (someone sacrifice a goat at the Meadowlands before next season please to help lift the curse). Sean Andrews’ penalty that called back a West36 TD.

Still, a win’s a win, and I’ll take it anyway I can get it at this point. AR’s now 9-0 career after the bye. If we could just play every other week, we’d never lose. Given the slow start, we’re going to need some serious help to get to the playoffs this year, but it ain’t over by a long shot.

Looking forward to next week, my advice is, no matter what, do NOT kick the ball to Devin Hester. Ever. For any reason. Y’all might want to lock him in Dawk’s trunk before the game starts. Or glue his hands together. Chef Spouse can attest to the effectiveness of superglue for that particular task, but that’s really a tale for another time.

Around the rest of the NFL…

Have I mentioned that we’re running out of QBs? ‘Cause we’re running out of QBs. Joey Harrington. Vinny Testaverde was courted by two teams, and the one that lost ended up playing Tim Rattay. TIM FREAKIN’ RATTAY. Gus Frerotte. Cleo Lemon (who the hell is that?). Kyle Boller. Kerry Collins. BRIAN GRIESE. At this rate, someone will be calling Drew Bledsoe by Halloween. They’re going to be calling up Jaws by Thanksgiving. Trent Green’s going to have to play BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO ONE ELSE LEFT. Hasn’t he qualified for the free CAT scan yet?

The Saints got their sexy back over the Seahawks. Drew Brees looked like himself, 2006 edition. However, the fact that Reggie Bush is providing 98.73% of their offense may present a problem down the stretch. Some people are theorizing that Sean Alexander just isn’t playing as hard now that he got his fat contract. I think maybe he’s not playing as hard because he’s tired of playing on a crap team. Also, the Seattle fans may be even harder on their team than we are – that was a lot of booing I heard last night.

Vinny Testaverde, who is approximately 267 years old, became the oldest starting QB to win a game, leading the Panthers over the Cardinals (who were also trying to score ole Vinny). Aw! Someone get him a celebratory Ensure! Also, Steve Smith might want to lay off the double espressos, at least right before the game. He doesn’t need to be "miked up” – I can hear him from here. When I’m watching another game.

In the "Super Bowl Preview,” I did not get my wish for a meteor that would wipe out both teams plus the Cowboys’ fan base. Given that, I guess it’s a good thing that the Pats won. Rodney Harrison: "Tony, artificial turf. Artificial turf, Tony.” That was sweet. What wasn’t sweet was that superfluous final Pats TD with about 20 seconds left. That kind of stupidity just pisses me off. Wonder how Belichick would feel today if his golden boy got hurt on that unnecessary bit of foolishness?

I hope the Raiders enjoyed their extremely brief stay at the top of the AFC West. They now enjoy the longest divisional losing streak in NFL history. Did you know that Phillip Rivers has thrown 6 picks and only 3 TDs this season? LT ran for 4 TDs, which is good, but again, they might want to find at least one other guy who can provide some offense.

The Ravens flattened the Rams. Literally. I think they mailed Gus Frerotte home in an envelope. The Rams are now 0-6. I mean, at 2-3, we don’t have a lot of room to mock, but 0-6 is, well, REALLY bad.

Know who else is really bad? The Dolphins, who are also 0-6. Boy, those Browns sure can put up a lot of points, though. If they could pick themselves up a little defense, they might be on to something. As it is? Well, they might not be last in the AFC North this year, because there’s always the Bengals.

The Skins lost a heartbreaker to the Packers. Congratulations to Vicodin Boy, all time NFL interception leader. Great job, Brett! Santana Moss took himself out of the game. I know he wasn’t having a great day, but in retrospect, that might not have been the best decision ever, given that they were only down by 3 with time left.

The Jags surprised me by beating the Texans. Tough division.

Dear Jeff Garcia: I’m sorry I doubted you. Also, the currently-Vince-Young-less Titans could be in big trouble. I’m guessing they’ll be looking back at that win over the Falcons last week pretty fondly in a few weeks when they’ve dropped to 3-6. Or worse. Muscle strains tend to heal pretty slowly, and a strained quad? OW!

The Vikings beat the Bears! I rule! Actually, Adrian Peterson rules. But that’s a lot of pressure to put on a rookie. The Bears are doing the Super Bowl Loser Implosion right on schedule. We’ve been there, guys, and I know it sucks, but please manage to be terrible for at least one more week, mmkay?

I picked the Chiefs last week, and they lost. I picked against the Chiefs this week, and they beat the Bengals, whose offense seems to have joined their defense in the black hole of We’ve Forgotten How To Play Football. Offense was the one thing they had going for them. Also, apparently, the Chiefs not only enjoy winning, they enjoy making me look foolish. You’re welcome, Herm. Sadly, Chad seems to have called off the escalating TD celebrations. Of course, he’s also not getting in the endzone. I miss the antics.

And, at the moment, the Giants are, as predicted, stomping the Falcons. What is up with all the all-one-color uniforms? I hate them. HHHHAAATE! The Falcons look ridiculous all in black. The Saints look ridiculous all in black. The Seahawks always look ridiculous. The Cardinals look ridiculous – and radioactive – all in red. HATEHATEHATE. On the up side, the Chargers wore their awesome powder blue throwbacks this week. They should totally dump the current look in favor of the powder blue. Either way, it’s not going to help the Falcons, though. We’re not even in the fourth quarter, and it looks like pretty much all their fans have left. Punks! Sit your ass down and watch your team lose like a real fan!

Speaking of real fans, I might closely resemble this guy. Except I don’t sound quite as much like a sailor. OK. I’m lying. I totally swear like a sailor. At least when we’re playing badly. Enjoy.

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