03 September 2007

2007 Divisional Picks

Happy last weekend of summer, Eagles fans. I just put Chef Spouse on the train back to Philly for Week 2 of his business trip, and I'm sitting here, mint julep in hand (because September is National Bourbon Heritage Month, so drink up!), ready to make my annual divisional picks, aka The Post That Will COMPLETELY Embarrass Me In December. So let me get on with the annual personal humiliation.

AFC East: Jets

I know, I know. I'm picking against the Patriots. For the second year running. Which is almost definitely a mistake. But Mangini's Jets came on strong last year, the Patriots have serious receiver problems, and Tom Brady will be distracted by the arrival of his new son. Maybe. Yeah, the Patriots are definitely going to win the Super Bowl, just to spite me. Curse you, Bill Belichick!

AFC North: Steelers

Conventional wisdom - aka everyone other than me - says that the Ravens will take it. The Steelers have a new coach in Mike Tomlin, Ben Roethlisberger's been struggling, and they've lost key players to retirement or other teams. The thing is, I think the Ravens are vulnerable offensively. Yeah, defense wins championships, but in order to get there, you have to win at least a few games. And few defenses are so good that they prevent the other team from scoring any points at all. Which the Ravens D may have to do. With every single team. All season long. In other news, sports pundits have been talking all off-season about how much the Browns have upgraded and how much of a difference Brady Quinn is going to make. But unless they've magically become the Patriots, they still finish at the bottom of a very tough division.

AFC South: Titans

This is probably another stupid pick. But Vince Young rocked it out last year once he became the starter, and even though everyone with an ounce of sense is calling Colts, I think they'll fall off this year now that Peyton no longer has anything to prove. Which means the Colts will definitely win the Super Bowl, just to spite me. Curse you, Peyton Manning! Although that commercial with Reggie Bush gets funnier every time I see it.

AFC West: Chargers

LT continues to be inhumanly good, and the Chargers will not fall victim to Martyball in the playoffs this year. The Chargers are legitimate Super Bowl contenders. Which probably means the Raiders are going to shock the hell out of all of us and win the Super Bowl. You know, just to spite me. At least their fans have way cool costumes. Gotta love a pirate. Speaking of, mark your calendars now for National Talk Like a Pirate Day. Man, I am just a fount of useless trivia tonight!

NFC East: Eagles

Even the experts agree that NFC East will come down to us and the Cowboys. And most of them are calling Eagles. Cross every limb you have that McNabb stays healthy. The Skins still have the worst owner in the universe, and nothing good will ever come of it. Although they'll be #3 in NFC East this year, because the Giants are a complete mess. Michael Strahan decided to stick with it another year, for all the good it will do them. Their locker room is in such bad shape, picking up TO would actually improve things. Speaking of TO, how many mistakes do you think Romo will get to make before Captain ME! starts trashing him out on a regular basis? Of course, now that ESPN's seen the light and dumped Mike Irvin, TO has lost his direct conduit to broadcast media, which might slow him down. A little. We can only hope.

NFC North: Lions

Sike! I'm actually calling da Bears. Although Rex Grossman is as fragile as a vintage 1920's silk velvet evening gown. And opposing teams' defenses are going to tear him up. Just like, well, a vintage 1920's silk velvet evening gown. Man, is this a sorry division. Think Aaron Rodgers will ever get to play? Poor kid.

NFC South: Saints

Saints are going to the Super Bowl this year, baby! Seriously, who else do you think will rep the NFC? Sean Payton will continue to be unpredictable, Reggie Bush is just going to get better, as will Marques Colston, and Drew Brees still has some miles left on him. And the rest of the division is no great shakes. But it wouldn't matter. The Saints could take a good division. OK, not an AFC division, let's not get crazy here, but a good division. For the NFC. Am I damning by faint praise? Geaux Saints!

NFC West: 49ers

I know everyone else is calling the Seahawks. This division could easily have 3 8-8 teams. But I think Alex Smith is ready to have a breakout year. The 49ers had some good moments last year, and the Seahawks are weak. They've been winning the West by default, which can't continue forever.

Tired of my dumb ideas? For some informed picks, see ESPN, rocketman on the AFC and NFC, Outside the Eagles, and Deadspin.

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