06 September 2006

2006 Dvisional Picks

Want to read some good picks? Check out the Phreak Report. Want to read something I pulled out of my a**? Continue on...

AFC South - Jaguars

Why pick the Jags? Why not? They're the up and comers in this division, and the more I see of the Colts, the less I like them. Here's a typical Eagles press conference after a loss:

AR: "It's my fault."

D-Mac: "It's my fault."

Jim Johnson: "It's my fault."

Trott: "It's my fault."

Dawk: "It's my fault."

Westy: "It's my fault." (even though he didn't play because he was on IR)

Akers: "It's my fault." (even though he made every single extra point and FG)

The team parking attendant: "It's my fault."

Here's a typical Colts press conference after a loss:

Tony Dungy: "..." (guy's even more close-mouthed than AR)

Peyton: "It's my coach's fault. It's the O-line's fault. It's The Edge's fault. It's that bum Vanderjagt's fault. It's my agent's fault. It's my brother's fault. Maybe it's your fault. Next question..."

AFC North - Bengals

That little black cloud that's been following Big Ben around is starting to look like Hurricane Bad Luck. Even after the accident and the continuing problems with his thumb (which are starting to look chronic) and the loss of Randle El and Bettis' retirement, I was still feeling the Steelers love. But an emergency appendectomy? What's next? Plagues of locusts? Rivers of blood? 40 days of darkness? Whatever you do, Cowher, don't let 4 guys on horseback into Heinz Stadium. Carson Palmer has made an amazing recovery, and the rest of the Bengals team looks strong. The Ravens figure to have a pretty good year, too, though, so this could be a very tough division.

AFC West - Broncos

But only if Jake the Snake can avoid regressing to Jake the Mistake. Has he grown his beard back? I like Herm Edwards, and he certainly deserves something nice after that mess last year in New York, but I don't think this is his (or the Chiefs') year, either.

AFC East - Dolphins

OK, OK, I realize this is a risky pick. It's never a good idea to pick against the Pats, at least as long as they still have Brady and Belichick. But the Deion Branch thing has to have been disruptive, and they do have a history of winning games by three points thanks to Mr. Clutch Kicker Vinatieri. Who's now in Indianapolis. The Dolphins probably tie with the Jags as my What The Hell pick. If Culpeper can come back full speed and their receivers can keep up, this could be a good year for the Dolphins in a soft division.

NFC South - Panthers

This is a tough division. But I can't see the Falcons or the Bucs pulling past the Panthers, who frankly, are the team to beat in the NFC this year. As you may already know, I have a soft spot for the Saints and would love to see Reggie Bush and Drew Brees help them turn it around, but let's be realistic here.

NFC North - Bears

I see the Bears winning it old school again. It's hard to beat a team when your sideline looks like the scene at the Atlanta train station in Gone With The Wind because they've flattened your entire offense. Although the Vikings look to be much improved this year, in no small part due to Head Coach Childress, who picked up a bunch of ex-Eagles. But I don't think Mike McMahon and Todd Pinkston are the future of that team.

NFC West - Seahawks

This is less a reflection of my confidence that they're strong enough to break the Curse of the Lost Super Bowl and more a reflection of the weakness of the rest of the division. Really, who else is going to win it? The 49ers? Don't think so.

On a side note, has anyone other than me noticed that many of the coaches who came up under Mike Holmgren look suspiciously like him? What was going on out there in Green Bay?

NFC East - Eagles

Of course I'm picking us, but the more interesting question is: what's wrong with the other teams?

Dallas - one word: TO. I give him 10 weeks, tops, before he implodes, taking the whole team with him. As a side note, they picked up another major attitude problem in Vanderjagt, whose percentage is likely to drop now that he'll be kicking outside most of the time. Also Drew Bledsoe? You know how Brett Favre woke up at the beginning of last season, realized he was old, and fell off a cliff? Look in the mirror, bro.

Giants - sure Eli Manning has the genes, but he also has the curse. Not that we haven't had our own problems with the playoffs, don't get me wrong, but dude, that was humiliating. For realz.

Redskins - being down here in 'Skins country, all I've been hearing (even from people who should know better) is that the 'Skins are going to win the Super Bowl this year. All respect to Coach Gibbs, but the man's not a frappin' miracle worker! I know, I know, the preseason's meaningless, no one really tries to win the games, we have to save all our good stuff for the season, blah, blah blah. But did any of these jokers actually watch the preseason? The 'Skins played like the Raiders...without Randy Moss. In what crazy, delusional alternate universe does that equal a Super Bowl? After years of this crap, 'Skins fans (and front office) still seem to think that picking up boatloads of free agents for big money equals guaranteed wins. You know what they call it when you keep doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result? Insanity.

Now the big question for the Eagles is: can we go all the way? I *believe* we can. I love my Iggles. But I *think* it'll happen next year, after all our promising rookies and second year guys get some more experience.

(And another big smooch to King Kaufman, who at least puts the Birds in the playoffs.)

So how are the playoffs going to fall out? Dawg, are you crazy? I'm not even going to try to get into that at this point. I know my limits.

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