10 December 2015

2015 Week 14 Picks

This week, Shady McCoy returns to Philly.

DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.

We all know that Shady was traded, unwillingly, in the off season for Kiko Alonso (looking like a big mistake at this point) and replaced by DeMarco Murray (same) and Ryan Mathews (less so, at least when he's able to play).

We also all know that the trade did not go down as smoothly as at least the Eagles' Front Office would've liked.

So now, the week of the game, we've got drama around "would Chip shake Shady's hand?" (yes) and "would Shady shake Chip's hand?" (apparently, no, even if he was on fire and shaking Chip's hand was the only way to activate the sprinkler system)

FFS, Shady, it's not like Chip is Hitler - or, worse, Donald Trump!

And then there's this bit of unhingedness, courtesy of Herm Edwards:

So yeah, apparently, amidst all the yelling, there will also be a football game played Sunday.

Which I need to pick.

When I pick the Eagles to win, they lose.

When I pick the Eagles to lose, they win.

Our shitty division is still very much in reach. Whichever team wins it is going to get annihilated in the wild card round, but whatever. That's not for, like, a month!

You know what that means: I'm calling the Birds to lose. So they can win.

Because logic.

Bills

In the other matchups:

Vikings at Cardinals: Cardinals

49ers at Browns: Anyone know who's playing QB for *either* of these teams at this point? Does it even matter? The 49ers will probably win, because their defense isn't entirely dreadful, which is about the best I can say about any aspect of either of these teams at this point.

Lions at Rams: Rams (me and Chris Mortensen, lone wolfing it)

Saints at Buccaneers: Bucs

Titans at Jets: Jets

Steelers at Bengals: The is a big test for the Bengals, and I think they're going to pass. Bengals. Ginger power!

Colts at Jaguars: Colts

Chargers at Chiefs: Chiefs

DC at Bears: I suspect DC will win this one, just to prolong the agony in the NFC East

Falcons at Panthers: Panthers go 13-0, baby!

Seahawks at Ravens: I was having drinks with a former coworker who's a big Ravens fan last night, and he pointed out that 8 of the Ravens 11 offensive starters are out at this point. That explains a lot. Seahawks

Raiders at Broncos: Will Peyton be back? Who cares? That new guy is looking pretty solid! Besides, the Broncos are going to keep riding their defense to wins, and Sunday will be no exception. Broncos.

Cowboys at Packers: Now the pressure is off Matt Cassel, it should be smooth sailing from here on out, right? SIKE! Packers (who are also struggling with injury this late season, but let's be serious)

Patriots at Texans: Did the Eagles provide the blueprint for bad teams to beat the Pats? Well, Tom Brady certainly doesn't like to be harried, and JJ Watt LOVES to harry QBs. Is that enough? Probably not, because you do have to be able to put points up to beat the Pats, which the Texans have not shown themselves to be particularly adept at doing so far this season, so while it would be great to see the Pats lose three in a row, it also seems pretty unlikely. Pats (but Go JJ!)

Dolphins at Giants: What's with all the primetime NFC East games the past few weeks? Did someone in the NFL scheduling office lose a bet? Speaking of prolonging the agony, the G-men are likely to win this one, too. Oh NFC East, why do you torture us so? Giants.


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