23 December 2009

2009 Week 16 Picks


Westy's back! Merry Christmas Eagles fans! Chef Spouse may get to hear his 3 favorite words this weekend: "Westbrook breaks free!"

Wolverine will be back, too. Miss you much, baby. Too bad your team is gonna lose.

Yes, Eagles fans, we are in the middle of our annual December romp into the playoffs. If we can pull off the win over the Broncos at the Linc this Sunday (likely), and the Redskins can pull off the upset over the Cowboys (highly unlikely, as you'll realize if you happened to see any of Monday night's disaster), we can wrap up the NFC East. You know what's funny? We could go 11-5 and be the #5 seed if we lose to Dallas on January 3 (quick, somebody knock on some goats or sacrifice some wood....wait....). In the meantime, 9-7 would win the West. No justice, man.

Anyway, back to this week: the Broncos started hot, at 6-0, had a bye, and have only won 2 games since then, losing to the Steelers, the Ravens, the Redskins, the Chargers, the Colts, and the Raiders, and beating only the Jets and the Chiefs. I can't talk smack about losing to the Raiders (sigh), but I could beat the Chiefs. All by myself. And while the Chargers and Colts are clearly very good teams, the Steelers and Ravens aren't living up to expectations this year. And the Skins? C'mon man!

What this game comes down to is that I don't think the Broncos will be able to shut down our offense - particularly at home - and I don't think they can score enough points to keep up with us. Fly, Eagles, fly!

On the increasingly-poorly-named Thursday Night football Friday night edition (Why don't they call it what it really is? Not Monday Night Football), the Chargers haven't lost in December pretty much since the powder blue throwbacks weren't throwbacks. I don't anticipate they'll have too much trouble with the Titans. But at least it should be a good game. Chargers.

Bengals/Chiefs. Bengals. Even if poor OchoCinco is too sad to play.

Bills/Falcons. Both teams are playing for nothing but pride at this point. Falcons, completing their sweep of AFC teams in New York.

Seahawks/Packers. Look for the Packers to rebound from their disappointing last minute loss to the Steelers and whup up on the Seahawks pathetic butts. Michael Wilbon recently observed that Jim Zorn will definitely get hired again after lil' Danny Snyder FINALLY fires him. Evidence? Look what's happened to Matt Hasselbeck since he left Seattle. True dat, knucklehead.

Texans/Dolphins. This should be a good game. Both teams are technically still not eliminated from the wildcard race. Team of Destiny? You bet I'm picking the Texans.

Ravens/Steelers. Ravens. Polamalu's still out, and the Steelers are NOT the same team without him.

Panthers/Giants. Think the Panthers can pull off another upset? Me neither. Giants.

Jaguars/Patriots. The Jags are also still in the playoff hunt. Won't matter. Pats.

Raiders/Browns. Really? Raiders/Browns? Ouch. Dear NFL: do us all a favor and blackout this game. EVERYWHERE. Raiders. Or whatever.

Buccaneers/Saints. Speaking of teams avenging a disappointing loss...Saints.

Rams/Cardinals. It's really not fair that there are NO other teams in the West at or better than .500. Cardinals. Who are totally feasting on an easy schedule. Again. Bastards.

Lions/49ers. Another game that NO ONE will be watching. 49ers. Which is a shame, because the Lions have really shown some stones this year.

Jets/Colts. The Colts will probably lose eventually. But not this week. Colts.

Cowboys/Redskins. I would LOVE to convince myself that the Skins can pull off the upset. Unfortunately, I watched Monday Night Football. Which means it's all coming down to week 17 in the NFC East. At least it will be exciting. Cowboys.

Bears/Vikings. Speaking of upsets I'd love to convince myself will happen...yeah, there's no way. Jay Cutler's punkosity is revealing itself more from day to day. Vikings. Damn it.


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