24 September 2009

2009 Week 3 Picks

Bob Ford, if you recall, was convinced we'd learned dire things about Kevin Kolb after last week's massacre at the Linc. I disagreed. I think we'll learn a lot THIS week. Assuming our defense shows up and our special teams remembers that "special" shouldn't equal "rides the short bus" in the NFL, K2 should be able to lead us to victory against the hapless 0-2 Chiefs. Hell, I should be able to lead us to victory. Andy Reid should be able to be under center and lead the Iggles to victory. Life Long Eagles Fan Mom should be able to lead the Iggles to victory. My 4 year old nephew Deuce should be able to lead the Iggles to victory. I'm just saying it shouldn't be that hard.

If K2 can't pull off his first win in the NFL against this softball pitch (to mix my sports metaphors for a minute), it's time to pull the plug. But I think he'll pull off a win. Eagles all the way, baby!

Browns/Ravens: Ravens. But Chef Spouse says he has a good feeling about the Browns. Then again, he's on his second Old Fashioned.

Redskins/Lions: Lions. Hey, they gotta win sometime, particularly if they're going to justify my confidence in picking them to win the NFC North. Chef Spouse says that after last week's Redskins performance, he wants to see the stats on the Lions and blocking field goals.

Jaguars/Texans: Texans! Also, I'm in for $20 if we're collecting to buy a bandwagon for them. But Chef Spouse has spill-over hate for them because Houston's so close (relatively speaking) to Dallas.

Falcons/Patriots: Falcons, yo. Tom Brady's looking like Kyle Orton so far this season. Chef Spouse agrees - he figures Satan feels dissed that Belichick had to call on their agreement just to beat the Bills and is blocking Belichick's calls.

Packers/Rams: Packers. Who will get to avenge their shocking loss to the Bengals on The Official Whipping Boys of the 2009 Season. Chef Spouse says, "it's a gimme."

Giants/Bucs - With both Phillips and Tuck out, this becomes a more interesting game. Which means it won't be a Giants blowout. But it will still be a Giants win. Chef Spouse agrees, but he has no love for the Bucs. His antipathy for them dates back to their NFC Championship win over us after the 2002 season, when they went on to win the Super Bowl, and he's convinced it was our year (although he is fond of Warren Sapp). The only exception? When the Bucs play the Cowboys.

Titans/Jets: J-E-T-S! JETS! JETS! JETS! Chef Spouse is calling the Titans. He *would* have picked the Jets, but no trash talk so far. He says: "No talking of the smack = no winning of the game."

49ers/Vikings: 49ers. But my anti-Favre bias might be clouding my judgement. Then again, AP is hurt. Chef Spouse says that, despite their entirely unknown QB, the 49ers have beaten better teams to get to 2-0 than the Vikings have. True dat.

Saints/Bills: Saints. I don't think the Bills can score 4,937 points in one game. And the Saints can. Chef Spouse doesn't know that number - it's not a multiple of 2 appearing on a subnet bit mask - but he agrees.

Bears/Seahawks: Bears. Do you know what the average age of the Seahawks is? 47. Chef Spouse agrees, figuring that Seneca Wallace is no Matt Hasselbeck.

Steelers/Bengals: OK, on ESPN's NFL Live, Herm Edwards picked the Bengals. Then again, Herm's record as a head coach indicates that he might not actually know that much about football. The Steelers have OWNED the Bengals since dinosaurs walked the earth. That's not going to change Sunday, Polamalu or no Polamalu. Chef Spouse figures they're pissed after their loss to the Bears, and the Bengals are going to bear the brunt of their wrath. Plus, he's spent a lot of time in Pittsburgh on business and feels bad for them - they have nothing but their sports teams (and Eleven) to recommend them, so he refuses to root against.

Broncos/Raiders: I actually think the Raiders might pull this off, but I'm picking the Broncos, mostly because I don't want to pick against Wolverine and Buck. Chef Spouse refuses to pick against Wolverine, too. And plans to wear his #20 jersey Sunday.

Dolphins/Chargers: Dolphins. They hung right in with the Colts on MNF. Chef Spouse figures that anyone who only beats the Raiders by 4 points can't be all that and is picking the Fins, too.

Colts/Cardinals: Both Kurt Warner and Peyton Manning had record setting games last week. Kurt completed 24 of 26 and Peyton won a game with under 15 minutes time of possession. Two words for you: Larry Fitzgerald. Cardinals. Chef Spouse calls Colts - he thinks Peyton will pull it out, no matter what Ken Whisenhunt throws at him.

Panthers/Cowboys: Attention Jake Delhomme! Pull it together, asshat! You CANNOT let the Cowboys take this one. Also, Julius Peppers? Tonyboy throws picks, and unlike the D-Mac rockets you could only bat down in week 1, he throws soft enough that you should be able to hang on. It may be crazy talk, but I'm calling Panthers. Chef Spouse has a tear in his eye, but he's calling the Cowboys. "Won't someone other than the NFC East please kick their asses? Man up, yo!"


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