14 January 2008

2007 Divisional Weekend Recap

In attendance: Tall Drink of Water Cousin on Saturday night, Shoegal and Ex-Navy Cheesehead on Sunday. Chef Spouse missed all but the fourth quarters of the Jags/Pats and Giants/Cowboys games due to a downtime. I know – what kind of crazy client schedules a downtime during the playoffs? That’s un-American. Fortunately, I TiVoed the games.

Menu: I was feeling inspired. Saturday, I made osso bucco and risotto Milanese. Sunday, I made shrimp and andouille gumbo. Hey, I never said Chef Spouse was the only one who could cook…

Packers over Seahawks. Two Snow Bowls already this season, and with the conference championships going through Green Bay and Foxborough, we could have two more. Anyone have the weather reports for next Sunday yet?

This game was the Tale of Two Ryan Grants, he of the early fumble fingers that awarded 14 points to the Seahawks, and he of the strong come back, to the tune of over 200 yards and 3 TDs. Guess he was feeling guilty. Or worried that his teammates would bust a cap in his ass if the Packers lost.

After the first 4 minutes, the Seahawks were outplayed in absolutely every possible aspect. I’ll bet the Packers even had fluffier sideline towels, a toastier heated bench, and better flavors of Gatorade.

Of course, all the talk now is about Mike Holmgren retiring, which truly would be the end of an era. But his coaching line lives on, in all those guys who look oddly like him, like, oh, AR.

Patriots over Jags: Sigh. Damn evil Bill Belichick and his devil-soul-selling ways. They never take a single down off, and that’s how they kill you in the second half. You know, and possibly the cheating.

Chargers over Colts: YOWZA. What an amazing game on the part of the Bolts. Sure, the turnovers were not Peyton’s fault - we’re back into the "sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good” territory, from the perspective that the Chargers were both, while the Colts were merely good, but were highly unlucky.

But I don’t even know who the hell the Chargers are playing at this point. LT, Philip Rivers, and Antonio Gates are all injured. They must’ve imported a bunch of guys from the CFL…during halftime.

You know the world has gone topsy-turvy if I can write the words "Hiring Norv Turner is starting to look like a stroke of genius” when I’m not trying to be funny.

Unfortunately, things do not look good for the Chargers for next week, because I think they may have left it all on the field Sunday. All. ALL. ALL. But realistically, nobody’s going to beat the Pats anyway, so that was a good choice on their part. I hope they enjoy the hype, attention and praise this week. They earned it.

Giants over Cowboys: DOUBLE YOWZA. Who would’ve thought ELI Manning would be going to the Conference Championship game while PEYTON sits at home eating Bugles? You know the first thing Eli did when he got back to the locker room after the game was to speed-dial Peyton and be all: "How you like me NOW, bee-yotch?”

Given that the Chargers had already scooped up all the remaining CFL players during the early game, I’m guessing Giants defensive secondary coach Pete Giunta was on the phone to Texas Longhorns head coach Mack Brown by early in the second quarter: "Who’ve you got that can come over and suit up, like, RIGHT NOW? It’ll be OK – Sam Madison is here coaching up our remaining guys on the sideline. He’ll catch your guys up on our playbook when they get here.” That or there’s some guy in the Giants locker room with a box labeled "Misc. Player Spare Parts” muttering under his breath, "OK, I have a torso. I have two arms. I have a head. I have 5 left legs and no right legs. How can I have no right legs? What the hell am I supposed to do with 5 left legs? Hope we have extra left shoes…”

Did you notice Tonyboy was crying at the end of the 4th quarter? Brought back fond memories of end of their last regular season game and the end of their wildcard game last year. You know, maybe that trip to Cabo wasn’t the best idea in the universe. At least not for a QB who has yet to win a playoff game. "I know Broadway Joe, and you, sir, are no Broadway Joe.” Did you notice Captain ME! was crying in his post-game (crocodile tears, no doubt)? What is it with these guys and crying? Did they get a group rate on some Iron John men’s encounter group or something?

Much like the Chargers, I suspect the Giants may have left it all on the field as well. Which probably means they’ll get avalanched by the Packers next week. (Notice my clever snow pun there? Nice, huh?) But I think Coughlin’s getting his extension. Wonder what Tiki thinks now? How’s that crow taste, homes?

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