04 October 2007

2007 Week 5 Picks: Noah's Flood Edition

aka, I need to hurry up and post these, because the plague of locusts is due any minute now, and I might lose power with the arrival of the 40 days of darkness.

Wednesday morning, the alarm clock went off before God gets up so I could rouse Chef Spouse to catch an early train to Philly for a business trip. Within about 2 minutes, he was hysterically shrieking things that I can't post because Life-Long Eagles Fan Mom reads it. Needless to say, the F-bomb was dropped in a totally indiscriminate manner. During the night, a gasket in our second floor bathroom decided it was bored with its life choices and chose to quit being a gasket, resulting in LARGE amounts of water cascading through the kitchen ceiling (which caved in) on its way to its eventual resting place in the basement. LARGE amounts. Biblical amounts. This was some serious flooding. My water bill this month will likely exceed the GNP of about 75% of the countries in the world. BIG. WATER.

The industrial strength drying equipment is now in place (thank you, Randy and Pedro from ServPro!), the insurance company's involved, Contractor Friend and his crew have begun demolition, and massive amounts of soaked drywall and possessions have been taken to the dump. Needless to say, it's been an interesting week. Chef Spouse still had to go to Philly this morning, but fortunately my good friend C The Lawyer Lady has invited me to stay with her for the duration, because I don't think I could stand it one more minute. My closet (next to the source of the flood) did get wet, but the Manolos are, thank the almighty Deity of the Shoe Lovers, safe.

Enough about my tale of woe, and on to the NFL tales of woe...

Can I just say, thank heavens for the bye week? The Iggles obviously need some time to pull their heads out of their asses and get their shiz-nit together. Which better be happening right now. Y'all have been put on notice.

Browns/Patriots: Yeah, the Browns are definitely looking better this year, but if they're the team that stops the Pats' juggernaut (see, I did decide it was time to pull out the "j" word), I'll eat said Manolos (well, not all of them, but at least 1 pair). Patriots.

Seahawks/Steelers: OK, that loss to the Cardinals last week was a real shocker, but I think it was also an anomaly. Steelers.

Panthers/Saints: I still believe. Saints.

Lions/Redskins: Which Lions will show up? The Lions we spanked, or the Lions who spanked the Bears? I really don't know who to call here, so in deference to Deadhead Skins Fan, Deadhead Skins Fan's Spouse, and Cool Web Dude (Skins Fan), I'll call the Skins. But I do so with much trepidation. Because I also don't know which Redskins will show up.

Jets/Giants: What is it with all these all-New York games? Jets better win this one - we need the help.

Dolphins/Texans: Look for the Texans to rebound in a big way against a perennially sorry team. Did I really call the Dolphins to win AFC East last year? Was I on crack?

Falcons/Titans: I don't see how the Titans don't win this one. I expect to see the entire Falcons offense burst into nostalgic tears at the sight of a mobile, athletic QB.

Jaguars/Chiefs: I love me some Herm Edwards, and our next door neighbors are big Chiefs fans, so I'm calling Chiefs in their honor. Which is almost definitely a mistake. They did pull off the big (OK, medium) upset of the Chargers last week, though.

Cardinals/Rams: Could the NFC West be any weirder this year? Cardinals? Rams? Who knows? Based on record, it will definitely be the Cardinals, but I'm betting we'll see 4 8-8 teams in the West this year. Which means the Rams better get moving, because they're way behind. Worst Game of the Week.

Bucs/Colts: Look for Jeff Garcia's great year to run into a blue & white speed bump. Stupid Colts.

Charges/Broncos: Two months ago, I would've said the Broncos had no chance. Now? Chance, big chance. I think the Broncos will actually win this one. Marty-ball is looking damn good right now.

Ravens/49ers: I know the Ravens are struggling, and I called the 49ers to win NFC West, but there's 2-2 and then there's 2-2. Ravens.

Bears/Packers: Man, the Bears have fallen almost as far as the Saints...and the Chargers...and us...this year. The Pack is going to 5-0 this week.

Cowboys/Bills: The Bills suck. The Cowboys, unfortunately for us, definitely do not. Cowboys. Ugh.


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