01 October 2007

2007 Week 4 Recap

Eagles at Giants, Sunday, September 30, 2007

In attendance: Chef Spouse, Steelers Transplant (Ex-Navy Cheesehead and Shoegal were around earlier, but did not stay for our late game)

Menu: No Shoegal, and no guacamole either. Hmmmm. I see a pattern. Chef Spouse broke his "this little piggy had none” toe earlier this week, so the football peeps came through. ExNC brought the nibbles, Steelers Transplant made an awesomely delicious brisket, and Shoegal supplied the sides.

Nanosecond: the amount of time it takes between when the light changes and when the idiot behind you starts honking.

Nanosecond: the amount of time between the snap and when Osi Umenyiora is all up in Donovan McNabb’s cream cheese

Normally in a loss, it’s like: "Well, the defense did this, and the offense did that, and the special teams did the other thing” and it all contributed to things going wrong. Not last night. That loss was 100% the offensive line’s fault. The O-line tore like wet tissue paper. Actually, I take that back. Wet tissue paper, in sufficient quantities, probably would have been more effective at stopping the Giants' front 5. Notice I said "front 5." Did they blitz constantly? Hell, no. The Giants were getting to D-Mac without bringing extra guys. If I weren’t in DC, I’d be driving around leaving flaming bags of dog poo on each of their doorsteps right now.

Of course, when Michael Strahan talks about how bad he feels for Winston Justice, and the fact that the coaches hung him (and McNabb in the process) out to dry, you know that ain’t good. McNabb spent so much time on his butt, it’s probably more sore today than his sprained left hand. You know what the difference is between McNabb and Tom Brady? No, it’s not just Super Bowl rings. Tom doesn't spend 9 out of 10 plays running for his life. I wonder what McNabb could accomplish if he could get that kind of protection? Oh wait – I know. A gazillion yards of offense and 8 TDs, like LAST week.

Even David Akers had a bad night, going 1 for 2.

What went well? The defense played well. The Giants offense never got in a rhythm (translation: it could have been WAY WAY WAY worse). Sure, Plax got his standard TD against us, but given that he’s always covered by Sheldon Brown, who’s, like, 8 inches shorter than him, that’s to be expected. But the offense only scored 3 more points. As has been the case in all 3 of our defeats, the D played well.

What else went well? Running the ball, even with West36 sidelined. Buck posted his first 100+ rushing game in 4 years. So did we run the ball consistently? Oh, HELL no. Not Andy. Dude, seriously run the ball, Run The Ball, RUN THE BALL. I can’t use words that are any shorter. For realz.

Around the rest of the NFL...

The Pack is now 4-0. Vicodin Boy now holds the record on career TD passes. And he managed to get there about a minute before passing George Blanda for career INTs. The Minnesota fans were very gracious in participating in the Favre TD celebration, particularly given how much the Viking and Packer fans hate each other. I mean, it’s the Midwest, so it’s not like the "fire of 1000 suns” hatred Eagles and Cowboys fans hold for each other, but it’s at least the fire of, you know, a couple of suns. OK, maybe one sun. OK, a moon? A Maglite?

Speaking of the Cowboys, boy did they spank the Rams. As expected. Here’s the thing: I don’t think Troy Aikman should be allowed to call Cowboys games. He made some asinine comment (OK, one of many asinine comments over the course of the game, but this is the one I remember) about how Tony Romo is the only QB making plays with his legs in the NFL. Heard of Vince Young? Daunte Culpepper? Um, DONOVAN MCNABB? What a tool that guy is. Now that the magical power of my deep loathing has managed to get Michael Irvin off the air, perhaps I should direct the full force of my ire to getting Troy booted next.

Speaking of Daunte, he (and the Raiders) had a great day against the Dolphins – Culpepper had 5 total TDs, throwing for 2 and running for 3. Guess his knee is feeling better. Also, nice "piss off!” to his former team. The Raiders now have a better record than we do. Not to worry you, but I think that may mean that the end of the world is nigh.

Lions/Bears – I was right on the Lions. Also if Brian Griese is your upgrade, you are in deep doo-doo.

Chiefs/Chargers – I was right on the Chiefs, too. Which is very, very weird. I’d say that what’s going on in San Diego is inexplicable, except it’s not. Two words: Norv Turner. Moral of the story? If you go 14-2, don’t fire your head coach, no matter WHAT happens in the playoffs.

Something else inexplicable? The Browns beat the Ravens. I saw part of that game, and I STILL don’t know how that happened.

If the Jets fall to the Bills, does anyone outside New York care?

The Falcons surprised me – and many others – by beating the Texans with Joey Harrington still at the helm. You know, there’s a real dearth of good QBs in the world. Just saying.

For instance, Alex Smith is still developing, but the 49ers had been winning with him. Trent Dilfer? Not so much, and the Seahawks walked all over them. Twice. While wearing golf spikes.

Jeff Garcia continues to do well down in Florida, leading the Bucs to a win over the Panthers. He’s now missing Cadillac Williams for the rest of the year, but given that he seems to be able to make it work with two guys from the practice squad, a couple NFL Europe hacks and the equipment manager, I suspect the Bucs will be OK. Also, the NFC South sucks.

The Colts surprised no one by beating the Broncos. I’m going to stop commenting on their games, because it's boring, and talk about Peyton Manning’s commercials instead. I’m not crazy about the new Sony commercial – it’s dull – but, damn, is he tall!

I don’t even know how to talk about the Steelers’ loss to the Cardinals. Memo from Ken Whisenhunt to Dan Rooney: how you like me now, beeyotch? Not sure how long that two starting QB idea is going to work for the Cardinals, but it seemed OK yesterday. And the Steelers sure seemed to miss Troy Polamalu in the second half. Not as much as we missed West36, Dawk, LJ, Lito, and ESPECIALLY William (Tra) Thomas, but still, a lot.

On MNF, the Patriots (another team I’m sick of) are up at the half. But I really wish Tony Kornheiser would STFU about the Patriots going undefeated this year. It’s the FOURTH game. Give me a break! We’re only 1/4 of the way through the season. Which probably means the damn Patriots will go undefeated, just to piss me off.

Finally, WAY TO GO, PHILLIES! I don't think they'll get very far in the playoffs, but at least they're going. Which may be more than the Eagles will manage this year.

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