19 November 2006

This is not good.

Eagles v. Titans, Sunday, November 19, 2006

In attendance: Ex-Navy Cheesehead, Shoegal, Chef Spouse.

Menu: fajitas and 'ritas. And beer. And tequila shots. And hemlock (more about that later).

Oh boy.

By now, I'm sure you've heard: torn ACL, 8-12 months' recovery.

I don't mean to be the Voice of Doom, but our season is O-V-E-R.

To quote The Editor:

"When it rains

It sucks.

Who ordered the torn ACL for Donovan McNabb? Whoever it was, I say fire that
guy.

I also say, can we trade The Freak straight up with New England for Vinny
Testaverde?

Oy."

Timestamp: T-minus 5 minutes to game start. Everyone's here, the guac's on the table, grab your Yuengling, and let's go!

Timestamp: Q1 11:31 to go

Defense? THE GAME ALREADY STARTED! Where are you guys? Why did the Titans just get to waltz down the field for their first score?

Timestamp: Q1 11:25 to go

And our first major penalty of the game on the kickoff. Wow, we made it 3+ minutes in. That's got to be a record this year.

Timestamp: Q1 8:53 to go

Good job on the fumble pick up Patterson! Now let's do something with it!

Timestamp: Q1 6:24 to go

When I said "do something" I definitely didn't mean "throw a pick in the endzone." ARGH! Still, plenty of football left to play.

Timestamp: Q1, 2:39 to go

OK, we're on the board! Chef Spouse's boy David Akers: the only sure thing in life outside of death and taxes.

Timestamp: Q2, 3 seconds in

OH ****.

Timestamp: Q2, 4:06 to go

OK, Akers just might be able to keep us in this game. If the D can start pulling up some quick stops, and Reno Mahe can keep up those good punt returns, we should be able to start on offense almost within Akers' range. We just might be able to pull this off if we can get a couple of lucky breaks.

End of the half:

OK, 10-6 is not too bad. "No, Ex-Navy Cheesehead, we can't switch over to the Skins' game to see how Jason Campbell is doing. I want to get the injury report on McNabb."

Halftime's over. No injury update. That's not a good sign.

At least we get to start the second half with the ball.

Timestamp: Q3, 13:23 to go

And do nothing.

Timestamp: Q3, 12:31 to go

And immediately give up a 70 yard TD. Who wants a margarita?

Timestamp: Q3, 9:17 to go

Special teams? There's this thing that football players do called "TACKLING." You might want to try to find someone who can show you how. Who wants a shot? Life-Long Eagles Fan Mom: "How much are you drinking?" Me: "Not too much [yet]." Life-Long Eagles Fan Mom: "So you'll be looking for some hemlock after the game?"

Timestamp: Q3, 1:19 to go

Sure 3, my a**. How do we manage to screw a snap on a clear day? Do we really have to watch the rest of this? Anyone want another shot? Want to start a drinking game where we do a shot every time the Eagles do something dumb? "Alcohol poisoning"? Hey, that would probably be preferable to watching the rest of this mess.

Timestamp: Q4, 9:14 to go

Now that's what I'm talking about! Maybe all is not lost! Short passes underneath, use your head, play smart ball, let Westy and Buck run. We might be able to at least win this game! And maybe McNabb's injury's not that serious.

Timestamp: Q4, 6:31 to go

OK, good stop, still some time left. It's 24-13, but if we can score right here and get lucky...well, it's still a long shot, but...

Timestamp: Q4, around 4 minutes to go

OK, guys, dropping everything that comes near you is NOT the way to win this game. (Of course, we should have figured that out two months ago.)

Timestamp: Q4, 32 seconds left

Maybe we get at least one more score on the board, only lose by a few, fight it out when we got the toughest break of our season to date, show good character, don't give up...oh, F me! Garcia fumbles, is too dumb to fall on it, no one tackles, and the Titans run it in for ANOTHER score.

Timestamp: Q4, 20 seconds left

Of course we manage to finish out the game with YET ANOTHER fumble.

A few suggestions for Big Red:

Everyone who fumbled today gets footballs super glued to both hands. They can eat again when the glue wears off.

Everyone who dropped a pass gets tied to a chair 10 yards from the automatic ball feeder for the entire first day back at practice. On the second day, maybe they get to wear pads.

I know AR's a Mormon, but $25 says he's curled up under his desk with a bottle of Jack right now.

Additional game notes: Why was Reno Mahe the only guy playing like he wanted to win? And what has happened to our D? Clearly, this was a game where the offense was going to need major help, and Dawkins and Sheppard both drop balls that would have been easy picks for a TD, our special teams allows Pac-Man to munch the entire field, and we blow tackle after tackle on Travis Henry and allow him to spring loose for a 70 yard TD. What the hell? And then we have two bad snaps in the same game that cost us a total of 10 points (3 on the missed FG and 7 to the Titans when Jeff Garcia couldn't manage to fall on the ball)? Without the 2 big defensive mistakes and Jeff Garcia's stupidity, we actually win this game, even after losing McNabb. Of course, before today, the Titans were 2-7, so that's not saying much.

But the thing of it is, the whole team has been dependent all season long on Big D to make up for all their mistakes. And in many games, he was able to. And when he played flat (Jags) or just badly (Bucs), we looked like a bunch of punks. Which is about all we are at this point. Is there anyone else who's willing to step up and be a leader? Doesn't look like it to me. D-Mac goes down, the chips are down, everyone needs to step up their game to make it happen, and...nothing. Guys, where's your pride?

So where do you come by hemlock these days anyway?

I'll write up the rest of the NFL tomorrow. Right now, I'm just too bummed.

(But I still made Chef Spouse mend our tattered car flag, so I can fly it proudly tomorrow. They may suck, but they're my team and I love them anyway.)


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