06 December 2005

2005 Week 13 Recap

Eagles v. Seahawks, Monday, December 5, 2005

When Life-Long Eagles Fan Mom was a kid, the local movie theater offered Saturday matinee Creature Double Features. Life-Long Eagles Fan Mom loved them, but they also scared the hoo-hahs out of her. So she'd watch the movies through her coat sleeve and close it off when it got too scary. Unfortunately, I watched Monday Night Football from Orlando, and it was too hot to watch through my coat sleeve. But I really could have used it, because that game was the scariest thing I've seen a LONG time.

I have a confession to make: I didn't watch the entire game. I know, bad fan, no Super Bowl (like that was even in question this year). But after the first half, I just couldn't bear it anymore.

...

OK, that's not entirely true. I did tune in again near the end of the third quarter. And things had only gotten worse. Then I really couldn't watch any more. My eyes were about to start bleeding.

I seriously don't even think I can review this mess. If you were lucky enough not to see it - you know, you had a date, you'd suffered blunt force head trauma and were were in a coma, you'd been arrested and couldn't make bail - I can sum it up in one word: sucktacular. McMahon threw interceptions. So AR pulled him out and put in Detmer. Who also threw interceptions. We were like the football equivalent of the Bad News Bears before Walter Matthau (or Billy Bob Thornton - take your pick) straightened them out.

Worse news: season-ending injury for yet another Pro Bowl Eagle, our leading rusher AND receiver, Mr. Villanova, Brian Westbrook. I'm guessing there won't be too many Eagles in the Pro Bowl this year.

Do I even have to recount the score? Yes, we were shut out, and Seattle scored 42 points. FORTY TWO POINTS (I had to write the whole thing out to fully capture the horror). I believe it was the most lopsided game ever in the history of Monday Night Football, and our worst loss ever under AR. The only reason it wasn't worse is that I think the Seahawks didn't even bother to take the field in the fourth quarter. Of course, since our offense couldn't find the endzone with both hands, a map, and a GPS, it didn't help. To quote the Philly sportswriters: "inept," "pitiful," "going nowhere fast," and "the biggest disappointment in the league." OK, that last one was excessively harsh - the Packers, my favorite 2005-2006 whipping boys, are in fact the biggest disappointment in the league. We're only the SECOND biggest disappointment in the league, thank YOU very much.

Unfortunately, as I was stuck in Orlando with no DirectTV Sunday package, I was forced to watch the Saints/Buccaneers game, rather than Bengals/Steelers or Giants/Cowboys, as I would have preferred. I did get to see the Chargers roll over the Raiders, though. I'm starting to feel bad for Randy Moss. No, really! Short version: Bucs, Bengals, and Giants won (and surprisingly, the Broncos lost - not breaking that Kansas City curse this year). The Steelers seem to be crumbling - not as dramatically as we are, but Roethlisberger has a busted thumb, and the rest of the team is, um, not taking it well. At 7-5, they have the same record as the AFC East weak-division-leading Patriots and are unlikely to make the playoffs. The Cowboys looked pathetic. Again, not as pathetic as we did, but it was not a good week for The Tuna. The only reason that game wasn't a blowout is because Eli Manning seems to be struggling again, too. The Vikings are on a roll with Brad Johnson at QB and, after a truly atrocious start, are starting to look like they could kick the 'Boys or the Bucs out of one of the NFC wildcard spots. And we're once again alone at the bottom of NFC East. And next week, we play the Giants. Lay in a good supply of your favorite pain killer - Excedrin, Aleve, bourbon, smack - you're gonna need it.


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