10 October 2005

2005 Week 5 Recap

Week 5: Eagles at Cowboys, Sunday, October 9. 2005

Well, that was just pitiful. Offense, defense and special teams ALL forgot to show up for the game. Guys? The bye week is NEXT week. There is so much blame to go around, it's hard to know where to start.

Dear special teams: the guy's not tackled unless you actually STOP him. This is not touch or flag football. We had to rely on our replacement kicker, Todd France, and punter Dirk Johnson to stop some run backs. That's not right. Oh, and on our kick return team? Dear Rod Hood and Dexter Winn: run BEHIND your blockers, not AWAY from them. They're on your team and are trying to help you. And wedge guys? Might help if you waited a few seconds until the guy who received the kick was actually, you know, with you.

Dear receivers: McNabb is not always going to put the ball right on your numbers. You're being paid millions of dollars. Jump, reach, stretch, go back a step, speed up a little - SHOW SOME DAMN EFFORT! Oh - and when he does put the ball on your numbers, you need to actually, you know, hold on to it. Some extra yards might be nice, but at least catch the ball. Let's start with the basics and move on to the complicated stuff once you’ve mastered that. Dear TO: you want to go somewhere else for the 2006-2007 season? You might want to start dialing it up a notch, or no one is going to want your 32 year old, coming off injury, prima donna, whiny a** next year.

Dear o-line: our QB is playing injured. Y'all might want to try to provide a modicum of protection. At least try to keep him from being hurried, hit, or sacked on EVERY SINGLE PLAY, OK? What happened? You did great against the Chiefs, but Donovan didn't get all better in one week. You have to keep playing. Yes, every week.

Dear D: where were you guys? There was not ONE successful blitz the ENTIRE game. Drew Bledsoe was back there leaving the pocket, getting a hot dog, stopping in the stands to sign a few autographs, calling his agent, doing a quick sideline interview, and coming back to throw for major yardage TO WIDE OPEN RECIEVERS EVERY SINGLE PLAY.

Dear D-Mac: I love you, man, but if you can't play, you need to admit it and go do what you need to do to get healthy. Koy Detmer can handle things for a few weeks if he needs to.

Dear Andy Reid: you spoke of a need for some changes in your post-game press conference. May I suggest moving corner back Sheldon Brown to running back? He scored our first TD against the Chiefs and our ONLY TD against the Cowboys. He seems to have an eye for where the ball is, an ability to hang on to it, and he seems to be able to find the end zone. It's not like we have anyone else in the power back role. Oh - the officiating was terrible, too, but we played so badly we wouldn't have won anyway. So it didn't really matter.

AND it was DALLAS. Y'all lost to DALLAS. Why don't you just kill me now? Yes, it's only one game, but we haven't done well in our conference so far - one conference win against the 49ers (THE 49ERS!), and losses to the Falcons and Cowboys. Has all the "of course we’ll see the Eagles in the postseason" talk gone to everyone's heads? It's not a gimme here guys - you actually have to win some games. They aren't going to invite you to the postseason for your charming personalities. And our division is MUCH improved this year, as is NFC South. Keep playing like this, and you'll be damn lucky to see wildcard.

OK, so the game to watch was clearly Falcons/Patriots. GREAT game. Vick was out with a bad knee, and Atlanta was playing a guy who’d played precisely ONE pro football game before Sunday (and lost it), Matt Schraub. And he did GREAT. Patriots, as usual, won by 3 points on Vinatieri's leg (although to be fair, it wasn't a long field goal). But it was looking for a while like the Falcons might pull it off with their number 2. And those same Falcons were able to rack up a 58 yard field goal by letting their punter take a shot. Hmmm - seems to me I suggested that same thing against the Raiders when Akers went down and France was still on the practice squad. I’m just sayin'. But if the Pats get the ball back within the 2 minute warning in a close game, they are practically impossible to beat. Belichick actually has a two minute offense and understands how to make the clock his ****, rather than the other way around. See, the Patriots have something called a "running game," which allows something called "clock management," which means they get to kick game winning field goals with fewer than 30 seconds left in the game, rendering it nearly impossible for their opponents to tie or win. See how that works? Nifty, isn't it? AR might want to write that down.

In other news, there were a few surprises: Vinny "Van Winkle" Testaverde and the Jets beat the Bucs and the Jaguars beat the previously undefeated Bengals, leaving the Colts the only undefeated team in the NFL. Not that that seems to help Peyton Manning once he gets to the playoffs, but hey, there's a first time for everything. The Redskins lost a heart-breaker to the Broncos, very likely due to some bad officiating, and not only did the Packers win their first game, but they kicked the already down Saints in the process 52-3 and then gloated about it. This season, even when they win, they're a bunch of jerks. And the hapless 49ers: I have to give them credit. They seem to have realized early on that their season is looking hopeless, so they're going ahead and playing their rookie Alex Smith some. Wise move - get the kid some experience and look towards next year. I hope we're not saying the same thing in a few weeks.

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